How to handle overwhelming emotions

When someone close to us is going through a personal crisis, we support them. We listen. We try to understand their situation objectively and connect with their feelings. We help them calm down before offering logical advice from an outside perspective.

But when something negative or frightening happens to us, we often get completely overwhelmed by our own emotions.

Emotions aren’t a flaw. They’re natural—and actually helpful.

According to Darwin’s theory, we developed “universal” emotions to survive. One of the most widely accepted models comes from psychologist Paul Ekman, who identified six basic emotions: joy, anger, sadness, fear, disgust, and surprise. These emotions exist to help us navigate life. They offer survival benefits, which is why they’re genetically wired into us. That means we’re born with them—they’re passed down through DNA, not something a child learns from the environment. This is why they’re called “universal” emotions: every human, everywhere, regardless of culture, gender, or age, experiences them.

A key player in this emotional system is the hypothalamus, often referred to as the “reptilian brain.” It’s one of the most ancient parts of our brain and is responsible for processing sensory input, generating emotional states, and coordinating physical responses. In other words, it reacts to situations, influences how you feel, and triggers how your body responds. This is deeply rooted in human behavior.

So when something happens, you might suddenly feel swamped with emotions and physical sensations. Here's the key:
Your emotions aren’t rational. They’re your body’s way of trying to help you survive.

The problem is, we often treat our emotions as facts.
I’m scared, so I must be in danger.
I’m uncomfortable, so something must be wrong.

But it’s crucial to recognize your feelings for what they really are: just feelings, not reality.
Just because you’re scared doesn’t mean you’re in danger.

For example, before giving a speech, my body was shaking and my heart was racing. Fear—an instinctive response, triggered when the body believes it’s facing a threat. But once I acknowledged my fear, I took a step back and asked myself:
Am I actually in physical danger?

That moment of clarity helped me respond logically instead of emotionally. If I hadn’t, I might’ve canceled the speech and curled up under the covers with a tub of ice cream. But I didn’t. I went ahead—and I grew from the experience.

It’s important to accept your emotions. They are your friend. But don’t let them control you.

Pause. Think about the next logical step.
Treat yourself with kindness. Remind yourself that what you’re feeling is valid—but it’s not the full story. Just because you know something is “just a feeling” doesn’t mean it isn’t intense. Let yourself feel it—but don’t let it define your reality.

Reassure yourself. You are okay.
Even if, in the worst-case scenario, my trousers rip in front of everyone during my speech—I’ll be okay.
Embarrassing? Absolutely.
Life-threatening? Definitely not.

Situations often feel like the end of the world. But in reality, they’re not.

Did your five-year relationship just end? You feel broken, lost, maybe even hopeless. But you are still breathing. You are still here. You will be okay.

A Simple Guide for Handling Overwhelming Emotions:

1. Allow yourself to feel.
   Suppressing emotions can lead to serious health issues like depression or even heart disease.

2. Express what you feel.
   Talk to yourself or write it all down. Putting your feelings into words helps bring clarity to what’s going on in your mind.

3. Step outside the situation.
   Imagine a friend just told you everything you’re going through. What advice would you give them? What’s really happening? What is the rational response? Will this matter in five years? Understand the reality of the situation.

4. Separate emotions from reality.
   Once you distinguish between how you feel and what is actually true, you can put everything into perspective.

     And most of the time, you’ll realize: You’re going to be okay.

You decide how you respond.
Not your emotions. Not your situation. Not other people.
You are in control.

The more you practice responding with clarity instead of panic, the less overwhelming life will feel. And once you gain that control, you will be unstoppable.

Lots of love! ❤️